The dignity of others

The keynote of English politeness is that the dignity of others is more important than one’s own dignity. This is why an English person will often say, ‘Oh, sorry’ if you step on their foot or bump into them on the footpath. You have to laugh but it shows how fundamental this is.

Another common example of this is the English habit of saying, ‘After you.’, ‘No, after you’. They are each saying, ‘No, your dignity is more important than mine.’ And most important of all is the dignity of those most vulnerable in society, because the English always love the underdog.

The next thing about politeness is that it is not just about the moment itself, it is showing that you know what the rules are, that you know how to behave correctly. This enables others to trust that you will know how to behave in other situations as well.

The clearest example of this might be when an old lady turns the corner into a quiet alley and there’s a big guy there. She might be momentarily nervous but if he nods and says, ‘Morning Ma’am’, she will be relieved and less apprehensive because he has shown that he knows how to behave politely. She tentatively assumes that he is not going to do anything nasty and he might even defend her if an importuning drunk lurches out from behind the dumpster.

So that’s all great, but as careful as the English are with the dignity of others, equally careful do they expect you to be of theirs. And this also very deep-rooted and, we are told, fundamentally British……